That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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