dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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