I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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