it's not cheating when I paid for it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize