I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize