Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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