Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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