i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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