She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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