I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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