Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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