Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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