i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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