He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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