my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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