his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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