Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize