Don't make out with my wife yet
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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