I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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