I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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