so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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