I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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