my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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