Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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