Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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