he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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