I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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