life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize