wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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