i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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