I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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