you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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