I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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