he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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