to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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