well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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