apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize