Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize