You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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