Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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