The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my being single is dangerous.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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