he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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