Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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