if you like me you must not know who I am
I just threw up on my dentist
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
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It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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