I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize