I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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