its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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