Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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