it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize