that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize